My friend invited my daughter to a wedding. Nothing unusual, but they were told in advance that each person is expected to give $100 as a gift—so if she comes with her partner, that’s $200, plus travel expenses. What really surprises me is that the bride is the one setting the amount. I’ve never heard of anything like that before.
I told my daughter that, out of principle, they shouldn’t go. But she doesn’t want to offend her friend. She says this is normal now, that “everyone does it.” She also mentioned that these days even godparents are given wish lists for every holiday, where children write down what gifts they want. I can only imagine what ends up on those lists! Of course, a child will ask for things their parents would never buy—but apparently godparents are expected to. And what if you have more than one godchild? How much do you have to earn to keep up with all these requests? Otherwise, you’re seen as a bad godparent and compared to others.
I can’t even imagine something like this in my time. I have three goddaughters, and I always chose gifts that didn’t strain our family budget. For weddings, I also gave a reasonable amount.
Who came up with these “rules” now? And what do people give to godparents in return? Is there a special list for that too? I sit here wondering—when did this become the norm? It used to be simple: you’re invited to a wedding, you bring what you can afford, from the heart. Some give more, some less, but no one counted or announced a “rate” in advance. Now it feels less like a celebration and more like a bill. Everything has turned into a transaction—even something as special as a wedding.
I tell my daughter, “It’s not even about the money, it’s about the attitude. Today they tell you the amount, tomorrow they’ll say the gift must be strictly from a list, and the day after there will be even more conditions. And if you don’t comply—you’re suddenly a bad friend or godparent.”
But she says this is just how things are now. And I don’t understand—who decided that, and when? Has friendship really become something measured by how much you’re willing to pay to attend someone else’s celebration?
And with these wish lists, it’s the same story. It’s one thing to suggest ideas when asked, and quite another to make a list like an online order and hand it out to everyone. And not with necessities, but with “wants.” Meanwhile, godparents are left figuring out how to afford all this—and they have their own children too.
I told her, “Think about it—if this seems normal to you now, there will only be more situations like this in the future. Today it’s a wedding with a ‘fixed price,’ tomorrow it’s birthdays with mandatory gifts above a certain value. And all of this will be presented as tradition.”
But my daughter and her husband aren’t listening. They’re going to the wedding anyway, so as not to distance themselves from their friends.