My problems began almost immediately after I got married. Sometimes it truly feels like someone cursed us. The moment we started living together, everything began to fall apart, one piece at a time. I can’t even remember what it feels like to live calmly anymore.
Almost all of my salary goes to doctors. One day it’s one pain, the next day it’s something new. I run from one specialist to another, get sent to different cities because no one in our area can give clear answers. MRIs, consultations, medications—it’s all incredibly expensive. And the worst part? Nothing really helps. I’m constantly in pain. My stomach, my head… and this terrible dysfunction—I can’t even open my mouth without sharp, unbearable pain. It’s exhausting. I can’t eat properly, I can’t speak without discomfort. On top of that—insomnia, anxiety, constant tension. I feel like I’m slowly breaking down, both physically and emotionally.
Every doctor says something different. One insists I need an expensive surgery, another warns that it could make everything even worse. I feel trapped, like I don’t even know who to believe anymore. It’s terrifying to realize that even medicine can’t give you certainty.
My husband gets angry sometimes… and honestly, I understand him. Who would want a wife who is always sick, always tired, always in pain? But what hurts the most is that before him, I was completely healthy. I had no problems, no constant doctor visits, no fear of my own body. And now it’s like I’ve become a completely different person.
As if that wasn’t enough, we also flooded the neighbors and ended up with a massive repair bill—half a million. It feels unreal. My husband also pays child support for his two children from his previous marriage. He earns well, but after all the expenses, almost nothing is left. We don’t have a home of our own. We’re living in my grandmother’s apartment temporarily, and there’s always this fear in the back of my mind that we could be asked to leave at any moment. There’s no stability. No sense of safety.
I knew his situation before we got married. I knew he had lost everything after the divorce, that he gave it all to his children. I knew he loved them and would always be part of their lives. And I accepted it, because I love him deeply. I didn’t come into this with high expectations. I’ve never been someone who demands luxury. My parents aren’t wealthy—we’ve spent our whole lives saving, wearing second-hand clothes, trying to get by with what we have. I thought I was prepared for a simple life… but not for this constant struggle.
It feels like we’re stuck in a loop. As soon as we solve one problem, another one appears immediately. There’s no pause, no moment to breathe. Recently, my husband had an accident at work. Now there’s a risk that he, as a manager, will be held responsible. We don’t even know what will happen next, and that uncertainty is terrifying.
I’ve started praying… going to church… holding on to anything that might give me even a little hope. Because I honestly don’t know where else to turn. I feel completely drained—physically, emotionally, mentally. Like there’s nothing left inside me.
I keep asking myself: why us? What did we do to deserve all of this? When will it finally end? I look at other people, at friends, acquaintances—it seems like everything just works out for them. They build businesses, create happy families, move forward in life. And we’re just… stuck in разрушение, in constant chaos.
I’ve changed. I’ve become someone I don’t recognize anymore. I’m always irritated, always on edge. I snap at people at work, I’m rude to my husband, to my family… and afterward I hate myself for it. But the pain, the stress, the endless financial pressure—it’s too much. It’s like it’s slowly crushing me.
Living like this feels unbearable. Like every day is a fight just to get through it… and I don’t know how much longer I can keep going.